New Address

Hey folks,
I've decided to move my mumblings and random rumblings over to tumblr. I have already transferred all of my old posts over there and will continue to update you on my life from that platform. I am paring down this site to be only my posts from my VIDES+USA service so that it will remain linked to their site as a mission blog, and nothing more. I will no longer continue to update this blog, but I will leave it up.

You can keep up with what I'm doing now and follow me over at <howdoyourbananasgrow.tumblr.com>

Thank you.

It's been rad.

PS see comment below. I couldn't post the new URL there for some reason so here it is: http://september8th.tumblr.com/

Love.

It's a story you've heard before, but it bears re-telling...

Dear Jesus,

Hello dear love, I need to write to you. I always do. Save me from my own comfort and complacency, may our constant contact truly be, constant. I love you; more than that, I need you. I need you for breath, I need you for life, I need you every day that I try to be the woman you created me to be. I am nothing before you, but all of you is strong enough for me. All of you is more than enough.

I have moved back to the great Pacific Northwest and am living with my sister in Tacoma. I have my own space here, and such beautiful company, and joyful meals and so much time spent in fun and fellowship. The hours I spend applying for jobs are just a small piece of the beautiful life I have begun here. In the face of all that God has given, I am so grateful. I am so at ease however, that I must fight to stay conscientious of my behavior and presence in the world. Most of all, I must fight to maintain prayer. I need to talk to God, often, constantly, to remain grounded in his purposes for me. I can never take a vacation from being God’s child, so I should always behave like it.

I have been thinking about humility lately. What is it but recognition of the great love and forgiveness of God in comparison with my own failings? God knows I am so far from His perfect will in everything that I attempt, yet I am not too far for His grace. He is so good! Humility is knowing the truth about myself, and accepting it, and also accepting that there is still hope for me because of God’s great mercy.

God himself was so humble that He came down, from His eternal dwelling place where He had existed with the Father from the beginning, and became man. He took on our flesh, our humanity, our own sinful imperfections and made them perfect in his most perfect nature, giving us an example of how to live and showing us carefully how to love rightly. But He went further and not only humbled Himself in the extreme in coming down to our level, but also sacrificed Himself in our flesh for our sakes, in our stead, in order to redeem us. When first we chose sin and the knowledge of evil over true love and trust, God could have abandoned us and started over, but He didn’t. Knowing full well what it would require to bring us back to Him in communion, he set events in motion to prepare for His own son, His own being to be with us, convert our hearts, and ransom our souls with his perfection, and perfect sacrifice: abandoning Himself to the divine will, as we all should do. It was necessary that it be done in this terrible way, because it was never a question of God’s forgiveness, acceptance and love for us, but rather our acceptance of God. It was necessary that this sacrifice be made so that we would realize the depths of God’s love for us, so that now knowing evil, we might be made to understand good. Knowing sin, that we might understand love, forgiveness, faithfulness and trust. Knowing pain, that we might understand redemption. That we might understand Hope.

Humility is what opens the gate. It is what breaks down the door unlocked by Christ but closed in so many of our lives so much of the time. It is that which blasts open our small isolated knowledge (the fruit of that tree) which keeps us comfortable, complacent and striving for our own good, into a huge and awesome reality: the truth about ourselves and the universe. Humility allows us to see beyond our senses because it allows us to enter the awesome mystery God. God humbled Himself so that we, in our own humility, might meet Him. He is the gate and the destination, which is opened through humility.

Thank you Love, for loving me. I am so unworthy, and in need of Your grace! You are so good.

...

“Humility is like underwear. You should always have it, but no-one should see it.” –Fulton Sheen

Hello again!

Well, I know where I am moving now: I will be heading to Tacoma this Sunday, where I will dwell with my lovely sister, at least for the time being. I am still looking for work, but I think the sort of jobs I'm looking for will be easier to get in person, so I have more confidence about finding something there. Also, my wonderful cousin has been helping me A Lot with my resume, etc. and I am ready to keep trying. I am really excited to be coming back up to somewhere cooler (!) but most of all I'm looking forward to seeing all of you lovely people who live up north. I know I haven't written much while I've been down here, but I've been really busy and had pretty limited internet access, so sorry about that. You haven't missed out on too much, just office work and 50 crazy grade schoolers clambering for more exciting bible lessons (alas, I do not know how to juggle).

My only real fear about moving again is that I always seem to say "this time" I'll make it. This time I'll get a job I can live with, that pays me in real money. This time I'll stay in one place and won't have to move again. This time I'll succeed. So far, "this time" hasn't worked out. Please God, let this time be it. Please help me to find a job so that I can move forward in my life. Help me to find a way to stay in one city for the next year+. Please God, I don't want to feel that I am running away again.

Peace and blessings, and Puget Sound I love you!

Happy Divine Mercy Sunday!

Hello lovely people. Thanks for all your love and support. Life has been, as per usual, rather mad lately. I appreciate that you are all in my life. I just want you to know that.

I wrote something a bit longer on facebook recently, which you can read here if you like.

I am gearing up for an move to an unknown location for the unknown work that the Lord will provide, and I am am thinking about how wonderful his Divine Mercy is. It is an ocean in which we can all happily drown. Let us not despair but have hope, hope in our Lord and his great rewards. Today is a day for trusting completely. For moving out of the shadows of despair into the light of truth and love, which is so much greater than the world we can see and imagine.

Thank you people for being as Christ to me, for showing me that there is good in the world, that we can love courageously in this culture of death, and that we can just trust in our sweet Jesus.

Amen.