Well the truth is it has just been a rather boring couple of months. I've been healing and now feel SO much better and I think cutting gluten out of my diet played a huge role in that. Upon reflection, I think I have probably had problems with it since college and my anemia has steadily been getting worse as a result. At any rate I'm done with the shots and can now run and skip and do lots of fun things.
I have gone on a couple of trips though, I visited my grandparents on the other side of the state and ate the most delicious gluten-free brownie of my life and I also just got back from a come-and-see retreat with the Salesian sisters in LA. That was especially fun because I got to visit some old friends while driving down and back. It's amazing to see people you care about grow in goodness over time and have beautiful life experiences that broaden their perspectives on life without fundamentally changing their quirky wonderful selves. In LA we (my older sister came too) stayed with a childhood friend and played monopoly, which was a staple of her birthday parties when we were young, along with Star Wars marathons and gnawing on gingerbread-Jericho fragments from the traditional birthday cake alternative (in which we would construct a gingerbread house, load candy on the roof and march around the table seven (or more) times blowing loudly on recorders until the house collapsed-so fun). The other two friends we visited were equally magical and nostalgic, as was seeing the postulants whom I had met this summer in VIDES training.
Moving around so much has made it hard for me to figure out how to say goodbye well, so mostly I just don't, believing with all my heart that we will see each other again. I am often pleased to find that this is the case. It's difficult to feel like you are really contributing to the world on some level when you are changing occupations so frequently as different positions expire or the circumstances push you forward, but I just want all of my friends to know that leaving does not mean I don't care, it doesn't mean I'm not still interested in what's going on or who you are becoming, it just means I'm still looking for what God wants me to do on a more permanent basis. I have never desired a normal job in which I will make money to support a quaint yuppie existence; that idea actually horrifies me. I have no desire for the "stuff" of the American dream. I am utterly disillusioned with consumerism and so the means to achieve that lifestyle also has lost all appeal. What is most important to me is that I am doing something meaningful for the world, and though I like seeing new places, moving so much is a side-affect of not being able to find a position that allows me to do that long-term, rather than the goal in itself.
Having said all of that, I have started looking at grad schools in the past few months and have been trying to imagine my life doing one thing for a long time...what would that look like? Now that I know so much more about myself and the world, what sort of things would I be happy doing for-(dare I say)-ever? What is God calling me to? Going to the retreat with the Salesian sisters really helped me to trust God more with my life and stop doubting his plans for me. I have begun the grad school application process and am excited about what the future holds. I am still heading to Austin, TX in mid-January to finish my year of service with VIDES, and I am really looking forward to that experience as well.
To all my friends, new and old: I love you still. I care about your lives, and thank you for having patience with the insanity in mine. I am still learning to be the person God wants me to be.
