So since I'm lying in bed with a computer in front of me I thought I might as well update all of you on my very-exciting medical drama. I feel a little bit better today. So much so that on the way back to my room after breakfast I did a little dance in front of the Jesus picture in the foyer. Okay so it wasn't much of a dance, I just sort of moved my mid-section from side to side a bit, but it was sort of a happy little "hey, look, I'm moving" moment. All of that jubilation made me pretty tired so I went back to bed :P
Also, I would like to take this moment to thank Jesus for being so awesome. He is really ridiculously good to me. This morning at breakfast I was like "Lord, I would really like to talk to my mom today. I know you're all powerful and stuff so you can totally make it happen if you want, just sayin'. If it's for your greater glory, I'd really love to hear from her. Seriously. Okay, I'm done being needy now. Just kidding, I'm never done being needy. But you're so awesome, it's okay." And when I got to my computer this morning, guess who I had an email from? Catholic.org informing me that the saint of the day is St. Bartholomew, AND my Mom. :) Seriously, so good. I way do not deserve as much attention as He gives me. Especially since I've been sick and I pretty much talk to Him all day. I'm amazed that He doesn't get tired of my conversation; He always answers me.
I super duper love Jesus. He's just That good All the time.
Which brings me to a rather deep and important subject that I have been meaning to address but that possibly I should not tackle in my current state. Should I? I will. My dear Jesus please aid me to speak this well.
God is so good. When I press into Him, I always feel His presence and His Sacred Heart warms my fears and melts away all of my little anxieties. His care for my life is so great, so detailed and so large, I need fear nothing. I am doing service work here in El Salvador, encountering a different standard of living (which is still nothing like what Monica's dealing with in Haiti http://allfortheimmaculata.wordpress.com/) and I have to reconcile daily His great love with the the life stories of people I encounter.
People say, if there is an all-powerful God, and He is so good, then why do so many people suffer? This is a three part question: Is there a God? Is he good? Why do people suffer? The third part being contingent on one of the other parts being false if we accept the traditional premise that suffering is inherently bad and to be avoided at all costs. Essentially it tries to set up the following: either God is not good, or He is not all-powerful, or there is no God, because we must reject the whole notion of God "as presented" due to the reality of suffering.
Why do people suffer? Is this question really asking why suffering exists, or why it seem so much worse for some people and not others? Mainly, those emaciated children we see on tv...
We all suffer. Let's face it. The suffering of some is more public than that of others, but none escape it. And the friends I have who have lost their fathers or their husbands, can I compare their suffering with people who are homeless? Of course not. And what of my mother's battle with cancer several years ago? Or my own constant battle with depression? Is there some kind of suffering scale that says: "Okay, you're life is bad, but yours, yeah, yours really sucks. That's just too horrible. No person should have to go through that." But they do. And it does suck.
I don't know about some kind of scale for suffering, but I do know that when your in it, it just hurts. It doesn't really matter how public or private it is, it's just painful. But here is the good news: nothing we have experienced in our lives can compare to the suffering and death of our Lord Jesus Christ. He took on our humanity, not just in the general sense, but in a very specific sense. He took on your humanity, He took on mine. Every suffering and trial that I have ever experienced in my life, he too has experienced, by virtue of my humanity which He took on long ago. And He took all of those struggles and he crucified them with himself on the cross. And then He rose again. Amen.
The cross isn't the end. It never is. God is good. When we see somebody suffering, does it mean that somehow God doesn't have a plan for that person's life? That He is not so great and all-powerful that He cannot see them through that to a greater and brighter future, strengthened perhaps but the suffering they have endured? The problem with the question, "if God is all-powerful, and good, then why does suffering exist?" is two-fold: it doubts from the outset the very premise it sets by failing to recognize that God, in his all-powerful nature, is perfectly capable of resurrecting the suffering in every person's life and transforming it into something beautiful and holy, and that secondly, it claims to know how life "should be" (aka devoid of suffering). It sees no value in suffering, which I will talk about in a moment. God IS all-powerful, He is there in other people's suffering and He can transform it into beauty, strength, virtue and holiness if we allow Him to. He does have a plan for every person we see in despair, not just for those in our church groups and personal friends. He is present in the suffering and in the walk of all. Even those who we see on the street, feeling that we could never handle suffering that great (on this imaginary pain scale that we have created) and whose total separation from our experience, in other words, our self-perpetuated ignorance of their situation by our failure to get involved in it, creates that deep sense of guilt and sorrow that someone should have to deal with "that," mostly because we don't want to know it.
If God did not see value in suffering, then why would he allow His own son, His only beloved son, to be born into such poverty? Why would he choose an unwed tween to be His mother? Why would he allow Him to suffer the death of a parent in young life and wander homeless for three years? Why would he allow His friends to stab Him in the back and deny Him? Why would He allow Him to be brutally tortured, mocked and crucified?
Perhaps, you say, there is value in Christ suffering, but now that He has, what is the point in all the rest of us suffering? If you have children, have you ever spanked them? Have you ever given them a time out? Have you ever seen a child you wish someone would discipline? Have you ever seen an adult you wish someone would discipline? It is clear that a little suffering is necessary for all of us to become the best versions of ourselves.
This is not to say that suffering is a punishment, but rather a process necessary for our growth in selflessness. Did Christ not say "take up your cross and follow me?" Rather than "I already carried the cross, just hang onto the back of my robe and we're gonna all be peachy?" We still have original sin to contend with folks: that innate inherited tendency to turn away from God's providence. To not trust Him. To look out for ourselves. To be selfish. We ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and now, we know evil. Through suffering, if used well, we gain the strength of character to master ourselves, and be a source of less suffering and more grace to others.
This is the point. Being a source of more grace, of more Godliness in the world. It is vital that we reach out to those who are suffering and show them the love and mercy of selfless giving. Christ is very clear about this. We are not to use the benefits of suffering as an excuse to not help others. But we are also not to despair that the mercy of God is not real because suffering exists.
I have much more to learn in the school of suffering, but I think the following sums up my feelings about suffering with regards to social justice fairly well:
If you see someone who is hungry, don't feel sorry for them and don't feel guilty that you have food. Just give them your food.
In this way, you solve the problem of your guilt and their hunger and provide an opportunity for you to grow through the fruits of sacrifice. For all you Catholics: this is what we have lent for.
Do not curse God for the blessings you have in your life just because someone else does not have them. You do not know what blessings they have in their life. Do not curse God for the sufferings you have in your life because someone else does not have them. You do not know what sufferings they have. Let all be blessings.
Here's my favorite rapper on the subject (a franciscan priest who lives and works in the bronx) check it out, you won't be sorry:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jgozHjvjGY
And here's some words from the book of Malachi to finish things off: this was what I read in my bible last night: "You have wearied the Lord with your words. Yet you say, 'How have we wearied him?' By saying, 'All who do evil are good in the sight of the Lord, and he delights in them.' Or by asking, 'Where is the God of Justice?'" (Mal 2:17)
Moral relativism is not the answer to the guilt. Neither is chasing a bottom-up (from us to God) notion of what's "fair." May it all be for God and through God according to His good pleasure. Amen.
Okay, one final final thought: Christ lived this human life to die, so that we could die this human life to live. He lived into death, we die into life. What dies is our "flesh," our humanity, our tendency towards sin. What lives is God, the Holy Spirit he has sent to be with each of us, that we received at our baptism (our new birth), and that we must always live more into.
Live in the Spirit friends, and you will always be in love.
Wow. Speak it. I love you.
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